The man who cried Wolf. A journal of the journey
Introduction
During my training for Mount Everest in 2017, I was solo climbing an isolated peak while acclimatising on the north west of the Khumbu region. In the solitude and silence, I heard what I thought was the sound of wolves. On descending I scouted the area for evidence of the ghostly creatures but my search came up futile. When asking the locals about the possibility of wolves existing in the vicinity I was laughed at. "We haven't seen or heard wolves in these parts for close on 25 years" they said. And so, began my journey to find and film the illusive and extremely rare Himalayan wolf. It was to become my Achilles heel, a weakness in spite of my overall strength. I was going to prove that what I had heard was indeed wolves and not the hallucinations of my fantasies and inner desires of wanting to live amongst them, a species I had felt connected to ever since I was a boy; A part of me that enjoyed solitude but at times could be outgoing and gregarious, independent, sensitive yet confident, and loyal to those I loved, traits that wolves live by. Was I chosen, ordained, summoned to be the disturbance of an underlying and unnerving conflict? All that I had experienced through the course of my life was now going to be put to the test in finding one of the most elusive creatures on earth.
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First week of expedition
For the most part, I’m going to be 1000 meters higher in my tent, so it’s going to be lonely and isolated, but it’s absolutely beautiful up there. I just keep pretending that my soul is a real person and he's sitting here beside me, smiling laughing and then hugging. It’s even got so bad that when I talk to camera I say “We” I guess we are constantly affectionate with our souls since they are as close to our hearts as anybody would get. They know our deepest desires and darkest secrets!
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Second week of expedition
It’s not that I never wash, I do what’s called a trekkers wash. It's a process of wetting a rag with some soap on it, smothering myself with the soup then ringing the soup out of the rag as much as possible until most of it is gone. If soup is left on skin it tends to dry and flake causing excessively dry skin at higher altitudes.
The crossing
I suspect that I’m using a similar route to the wolves since for the most part I was tracking her footsteps. I lost the tracks in the glacier of course because it’s all rock and ice. The current is too strong for them to cross so they have to find a way like I’m doing right now. They know these hills better than I could ever know them, but rightly so, they were born here. I got a bad feeling though, that they’re not this side of the river as I suspected they would be... soon I will know.
Broken
On my way down I heard there had been a yak killed last night miles from where I was. These creatures are running rings around me, and they have me fooled.
Heard but not seen
I threw in some water, pasta and instant soup and just let it brew, I forgot to bring salt and pepper so I knew it was going to be pretty bland. While cooking and fumbling around for the necessary equipment I suddenly heard wolves howl, it was exhilarating. There must have been at least 5 wolves probably about a mile away. I was so excited I pinched a nerve in my back trying to get out of the hole I was in to get out into the open. Of course, I wouldn't know until morning the extent of the damage I had done to my back. Still, it was well worth the trouble having heard them, knowing I was on the right trail.
Restored
It was dark by the time I set up camp; I had to be discrete about it since I didn’t want to make too much noise. Choosing a spot was a little tricky because the area I chose is extremely rocky and it’s on a ridge which means I could hear the river. The sound of the river could potentially mask any howls that I may hear through the course of the night.
Tick tock
The wolves are constantly on the move so I just have to think like a wolf and position the tent where I think they’ll be. It’s going to be a gamble, at least the last 2 months have been about narrowing my options. I narrowed them down to one long stretch on the ridge line that hits the river, and I’ll just keep etching my tent higher by half a mile at a time until I hear something, that’s the best I can do right now.
The River
It was dark by the time I set up camp but then I had to walk another half a mile up the valley to find water. At one point, I switched my head lamp off to just soaked up the beautiful surroundings I was in. Miles from nowhere, not a soul within days of where I was at, and best of all I was searching for wolves in the most remote and isolated place in the Himalayas.
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Ringmo-lake
There are no wolves up here and I can’t start making my way to Renjo-lo pass until I stock up with food so really this is just a little chill afternoon spoil I’m going to make full use of. Besides it gives all my batteries chance to recharge with the solar panels and gives me time to recharge my personal battery. I’ve been able to work on my book while out in the mountains since I have it on my phone. I must say it’s allowed me to re-think the style and context of the book, it’s not that I’m going to have to rewrite a lot of it, it’s more about doing away with the technical elements and just focusing on how at 15 I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Everything subsequently from that point on has played a significant role in who and what I am today, including all the adventures and the people who have had an impact on my life. I feel like we’ve exchanged pieces of our souls with each other, like horcruxes, and as much as it’s hurt parting ways, I’ll keep doing it because it’s building me into a better stronger dynamic individual. I’ll always remember those people because it’s love and it’s the only thing that really makes sense in life so I’ll keep searching for it, even if it hurts like hell. I know I’ll never settle and I’ll probably never be with one person for an extended period time but that’s the beauty of it, every person that has had a significant impact on my life are chapters and those chapters make up the full story from cover to cover. As much as certain people are chapters in my life I sure hope I was a chapter in theirs, even if not necessarily a good one. I’d rather be a chapter in someone’s life then not be anything at all.
Finding solace
I write this journal only because I want to read this years from now and remember how determined I was, that I would allow nothing to get in the way of my goals... I never want to loose that drive.
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The Langboche detour
By the time I got back to my backpack it was dark but I needed to get back to broken rock for the night. If there were wolves in the area, they would be there. I tracked in the dark without a headlamp on; I figured the headlamp would scare them but I won’t lie, it’s kind of unnerving trekking in the dark in wolf territory without a headlamp, knowing very well a pack of wolves could be stalking me. I was wearing the headlamp and my knife was attached to me. If anything rustled in the bushes, I would switch the headlamp on and they would run, of course my camera was strapped to my neck ready to record. When I got near broken rock I had to switch the headlamp on so I could set up camp... it was beautiful.
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Distant memories
I’ve been thinking about the lives I’ve impacted ever since I left home when I was a boy. Of course, the fact that I feel I may have impacted their lives, is needless to say that they’ve impacted mine in one way or many, otherwise I would never have remembered them.
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Langbouche no more
I’m getting tired of this game with the wolves, I’ve almost had enough but my conscience won’t allow me to walk away until I know I’ve done my best. So far I know I have but I have ten more days remaining on my visa, anything can happen. Of course, even if I do find them I won’t have time to develop story elements of the wolves but at least I’ll have a completed documentary.
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Negative space
I arrived at my tent and the sun was out and the wind was calm. I jumped at the opportunity to get the shot I needed on the drone. I put the battery under my armpit then got everything ready, stuck the battery in, fired up the drone and took off, only seconds later to discover that I had forgotten the drones mini SD card at the lodge... mission terminated.
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So close I can smell them
It’s midnight and I’m pretty sure there are wolves outside my tent. I woke up to their smell. It’s musty and hangs in the air; I smelt it for about 3 minutes then it disappeared. I can’t think what else it would have been. It's definitely not a leopard, I’ve been around leopards and they don't smell like that. The wolves obviously know how to be dead quiet, they’re hunters after all, but they can’t hide scent so I’m excited to see the tracks in the morning. Although I’m surrounded by grass so there won’t be tracks close by, however but there might be some in surrounding areas. Gosh, they’re so quiet, not even so much as a twig breaking... they really are ghosts!
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Successfully unsuccessful
There is a reason why I’m not finding the wolves and I’ve just got to let them be although I did have a little melt down today. I got my thoughts together and picked myself up. I’ll come back in March; I am grateful that I have completed the filming of what I believe is a full-length documentary which I will finish with last year’s footage of finding the wolves. I’ve managed to get all the filming and drone shots done on an expedition that has cost me around $2000. Not too bad considering that had a production company done what I did, it would have cost them around 30k.