Ringmo-lake

Well no luck last night; no howls, no barks, no sniffing at my tent. I did hear an avalanche though, that was pretty cool. I woke up this morning to a beautiful blue sky. The wind has a bit of a nip to it but I was able to get some rays on me, which helps boost the endorphins. The feeling of loneliness is gone; it’s weird how the emotion comes and goes, it’s almost like it’s driven from another source, it’s like the hurt of wanting to be with certain people comes and goes. For the most part it’s not hurting anymore although it’s a little harder being out here on my own during the weekends knowing that my friends and loved ones are having a blast, I guess I’m having a blast too. It just gets a little monotonous at times, but I constantly keep myself busy and find there is hardly enough hours in the day to get where I set out to go.

Right now, it may not seem like i'm having a blast but I know when I’m back in the civilized world sipping at a hot latte I’ll remember this as an epic adventure. It seems I may have to repeat it; if I don’t find them I’ll have come back next year March. I still have 20 days on this ticket though, so anything could still happen. I’m going to actually take my tent up to Ringmo-lake. I might get lucky with some creatures coming to drink. It will be awesome views but they are definitely not here, I can feel it. It’s like when you enter a home and you can feel there was once magic in it with kids, animals, laughter, festivities and such but the magic is not there anymore, only an imprint of it. That’s what it feels like here, the magic is gone but the imprint is here. I guess I’m still looking for the magic... but then again, aren’t we all.

I made it up to Ringmo-lake around noon; it’s shelrered from the wind somewhat and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky so I took advantage of it. I stripped down and got some rays on parts of my body that havn’t seen sun for close on 2 months, like my feet and my buttocks. I walked around wearing only my boots looking for tracks and a suitable place to put my tent up later. I didn’t find any tracks so the gamble didn’t pay off but it was well worth it if only for the good feeling to be sunbathing at 5500 meters all alone in the Himalayas, beside one of the prettiest lakes that only very few know about. It’s like having my own private resort without the luxuries... luxuries are overrated.

I spent the afternoon writing in my notes on my phone while allowing the sun to freely recharge every part of me, thanks to small mercies. I work hard at keeping my body healthy because it’s got to get me through some pretty intense upcoming adventures. I push it hard so whatever I can use to boost its performance I'm going to take it, today the sun was it. I also want my intimate partner, whoever they may be one day, to feel honoured and proud to be with me, so I work hard at staying healthy and fit. I’ve noticed with certain people, especially people who get married, they let themselves go and then they wonder why their partner no longer wants intimacy with them, I’m not sure why that happens, a human thing I guess.

This afternoon at Ringmo-lake is something I’ll remember forever probably. For those of you who are offended by nudity please allow me to apologize. Years from now if I’m still alive, I want to be able to remember this and honour it. There is beauty in simplicity. It’s not everybody that can say they sunbathed at 5500 meters in the Himalayas while working on their autobiography... it's a real treat. I’m in for a cold month because winter is setting in up here but it’s only one more month and then I head back to the USA, and then to Utah to finish my Hamlet feature film. It will also be winter in Utah but that will be luxury compared to this. I have no idea where I’m going to spend Christmas, I guess wherever opportunity takes me. I’d love to go north, and spend some time in Oregon to location scout ‘Waiting on the devil'. Maybe I'll try the redwoods. I have to sneak a quick visit to South Africa in February to finish the Rhino film now that the organization that control the wildlife industry have come up with a solution for the rhino horn crisis. It would be good to finish that film and get it out there, it’s been too long in the shadows. Then I have to renew my passport and head back to the Himalayas to finish this wolf film. Even if I find the wolves this week, it won’t be enough time to get to know them and film story elements within the pack so I’ll have to come back in spring.

There are no wolves up here and I can’t start making my way to Renjo-lo pass until I stock up with food so really this is just a little chill afternoon spoil I’m going to make full use of. Besides it gives all my batteries time to recharge with the solar panels and gives me time to recharge my personal battery. I’ve been able to work on my book while out in the mountains since I have it on my phone. I must say it’s allowed me to re-think the style and context of the book, it’s not that I’m going to have to rewrite a lot of it, it’s more about doing away with the technical elements and just focusing on how at 15 I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Everything subsequently from that point on has played a significant role in who and what I am today, including all the adventures and the people who have had an impact on my life. With regards to the people I have loved, I feel like we've exchanged pieces of our souls with each other, like horcruxes, and as much as it’s hurt parting ways, I’ll keep doing it because it’s building me into a better stronger dynamic individual. I’ll always remember those people that I've loved because it’s love and it’s the only thing that really makes sense in life so I’ll keep searching for it, even if it hurts every time. I know I’ll never settle and I’ll probably never be with one person for an extended period time but that’s the beauty of it. Every person that has made a significant impact on my life are chapters and those chapters make up the full story from cover to cover, and as much as certain people are chapters in my life I sure hope I was a chapter in theirs, even if not necessarily a good one. I’d rather be a chapter in someone’s life then not be anything at all.

This evening I went exploring and climbed to the top of some little peak that overlooks the lake. I watched the sunset and waited for the sun to disappear off the horizon so I could take some pics, the battery of the phone only had 1 percent remaining so I had to keep it warm. All my other cameras were flat from the cold. It was well worth the hike, absolutely beautiful scenery. I made it back to my tent just in time for the dark, navigating down that rocky clifface in the dark would have been tricky. If I sprained my ankle or something I’d be a goner.

I'm sitting in my tent watching The Never-Ending Story. I might as well, there’s no point in listening for wolves since I know they are not here. It’s quite surreal sitting here in the middle of the Himalayas, days away from civilization just like Atreyu. I can honestly say that seeing that film when I was 15 has a lot if not everything to do with why I’m out here. The need to fulfil purpose, find meaning through adventure, find courage, saving something or someone, help something even if just a wolf, it’s something. After seeing that movie at 15 I would get on my horse and disappear into the mountains for the weekend with nothing more than a few sandwiches, some coffee and a loaf of bread for my horse, all for the purpose of finding something I was too young to understand. I was looking for an adventure, to be a hero maybe, to make a difference to someone’s life and to my own, and most importantly, to build courage. And here I am, so many years later still on the same quest, to try make a difference, to find fulfilment, to be a hero in my own eyes not in anyone else’s and to build courage. These so many years later watching the very film that instilled the desire is quite extraordinary.

I probably wouldn’t do any better than Atreyu though when it comes to passing through the sphinxes gateway. He lacked beliefe in himself and the sphinxes saw straight into his heart, but he got through anyway by outwitting the sphinxes... basically he cheated death.