Finding solace

It’s been a really hard day; I must have slept wrong or something but it opened up last weeks back injury and it hurts like hell, even more so than last week. Every step with this heavy backpack is hard, I’ve had to walk with my music on because I don’t want to hear my moans and groans as it literally takes the breath out of me. I almost fainted twice; I can’t sit, lie down or stand up without it hurting all the time. I can literally feel my heart throbbing through my back, and I’ve still got the river crossing to look forward to. I know I’m being a baby but I also know all these hardships are preparing me for something bigger later, perhaps Everest. It’s important I embrace the pain because it could be a lot worse, at least it’s not a broken ankle.

I write this journal only because I want to read this years from now and remember how determined I was, that I would allow nothing to get in the way of my goals... I never want to lose that drive.

After crossing the river, I came across my tracks from the day before, a fresh wolf track had actually stood on my boot print. How much time between mine and hers is unknown but interesting nontheless.

This is a good thing, because now it’s narrowed the options down to a 2 mile stretch. They are somewhere within a 2 mile radius that runs along the river. I know where to find them I just don’t know how long it will take for them to reveal themselves. I’m going to have to just keep going there every night until they get comfortable with my presents. They doing everything at night which is impossible for me to see but hopefully at some point I’ll catch a glimpse, just so I know where they are. First, I have to fix my back so I’m heading down to Namche tomorrow to lick my wounds again, it’s going to be a hard track down but my back needs warmth and some rest while I edit, at least I know where they are... at least I think I do.

I’m in such pain tonight, I don’t know which way to lie. I’ve smeared some deep heat on my back so hopefully that will help but I’m a little apprehensive about tomorrow’s trek, it’s going to be painful. I wish I knew what set this off. I was doing so well and then suddenly this morning it’s back to hell, it’s so painful my nuts hurt, really weird, but it always comes right so I just need to give it time.

The night was long and sore but I got through it. This morning I put the infrared camera out on the trail that I’m hoping will capture a picture of her. On my way to the spot I saw her fresh tracks coming down again. So it’s confirmed, I know where they are and I’ve been there twice already, they just not letting me see them. It’s a common problem in my life actually. People hide their emotions from me but I pour my soul out to them, or they push me away and think me a freak. There’s a lot of symbolism in my life on this journey. At least I know where to focus my attention on.

I’m heading down to Namche for new supplies; I just strapped on some hot hand warmer pads against my back, using a bandage and then layered my upper body with every bit of clothing I have. I’m going to sweat my back out until whatever is hurting goes away.

I got to Namche around 3pm with relative ease, I think the sweating helped, and music. By keeping the muscles warm all the time kept them from hurting as much, I still felt it but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It proves that’s it’s muscle damage and not a pinched nerve or a slipped disk, the latter would have been a disaster. I’ll let myself heal for a few days while I edit and then get back out there. That means a real bed for a few days, and nice warm fresh cooked meals... oh the blessings of luxeries.