The River

I woke up this morning with no wolf sound to my recollection, although I had an interesting dream about my already dead horse, Rechar Jessuf. It was good to see him although now he’s gone but still, it was a good dream. I was giving him some mixture that he really loved and then I had to go sky diving. it was a weird dream.

This morning was super cold, the little waterhole that I camped near was frozen so was all my drinking water but that’s a good reason for having a knife. I punched through the top layer of ice and boom, I had water again.

I decided to cross the river again and oh my gosh what a rush, it was snowing and everything just felt aggressively extreme, even the river and the mountains, it all just looked so dangerously deathly yet so beautiful, it's what adventures are made of.

I’m not sure if crossing the river was a good idea but it’s night time now while I’m writting this and my toes are still frozen; to be honest, they feel damaged.

I took my shoes off to cross the river this time just so that I didn’t have to deal with wet frozen feet the rest of the day but about 5 steps into the river I realized what a mistake I had made. It was as slippery as a turtle’s back and I just couldn’t get a firm step. Every-time I put my weight on one foot, it would want to slip off the rock I had put it on, or the rock would move. It was crazy slippery and dangerously unstable.

At least when I crossed with my boots on, there was some traction and my boots have a wide base so it makes my foot feel like a penguins flipper. Within seconds of being in the water my feet were starting to freeze. I wanted to back up and get out but I had to commit though because I was already in and to back out would mean a 5-hour trek up the glacier to find a way around. My feet were already frozen so I figured how much worse could it get... I was wrong, it got way worse.

By half way through the river I literally could not feel my feet, I couldn’t even tell if I had a good footing. I was breathing like a panting dog running full tilt on a treadmill, just to stay focused and keep going... and to stay calm. If I lost concentration just for a second it would have been a seriously big problem. If all my gear had gotten wet by me falling in, I would have been in big trouble not to mention the cameras would have been ruined. All this was going through my head while focusing on one step at a time. I lost my balance a couple of times but managed to catch myself. There was once or twice where I thought “This is it, I’m going in”.

I’m at least a full day’s trek away from any form of shelter but that would mean my sleeping bag and all my clothes would have been iced up and I would have frozen all night long. It was a stupid thing to do but I finally managed to get across and when I did I literally could not even move my toes, there was no life in them. I can’t honestly say I’ve ever felt that cold before. I ran around in circles trying to get life back into my feet but it literally felt like I was wearing prosthetic legs. I couldn’t feel anything from my knees down. I finally slipped my socks on, then my boots and staggered to the closest hill I could find. I ran up the slope so I could get blood flowing quickly through my body and hopefully get some oxygen to my feet. By the time I got to the top of the very steep hill, I started to feel life in my toes, it felt so good. I really thought I had done some damage. I sound like a baby but that water comes straight out of a glacier. The only reason why it’s not frozen solid is because it’s flowing fast down a steep valley. I’m not looking forward to having to cross it again to get back but it’s unavoidable. I really hope I have made it worth my while. If the wolves are this side of the river I’ll stay here for about 5 nights. I only have enough food for 3 nights but going without food for 2 days is not serious, more than that would be a problem at high altitude. I’m more or less acclimated so I should be ok without food for a while, as long as I drink water.

I’m now in my tent and it’s snowing outside. I can’t really hear if the wolves howl because the snow makes a noise when it hits the walls of the tent. It was dark by the time I set up but then I had to walk another half a mile up the valley to find water. At one point, I switched my head lamp off and just soaked in the beautiful surrounding I was in. Miles from nowhere, not a soul within days of where I was at, and the best part was, I’m searching for wolves in the most remote and isolated part of the Himalayas. It is exactly the kind of isolation where wolves would be, how unbelievably beautiful and what a gift. I wished that I had company, not because I’m feeling lonely but just so that someone could experience this with me, it’s both extremely epic and yet so insanely wild. If I do find the wolves here I need to spend as much time as possible with them because I don’t know when they going to move again, it will be an absolute miracle if I find them. They are moving around so much and so fast because of the lack of food that I can't keep up. But I have to push hard no matter how demoralized I may feel.

I hit a low today when I didn’t see any tracks this side of the river but I can’t get despondent; it doesn’t mean they're not here. The ground is frozen so it’s hard to see tracks right now. I’m just a little scared because if they not on this side of the river then I really don’t know what to do, other than maybe trying Renjo-lo pass, again. I just can’t see them making that a base especially with all the tourist traffic coming through there. Trekkers leave for the pass from either Lungde or Gokyo at around 4am and they get to the area where I saw the scat at about 7am. Then trekkers will trickle past all day long from both directions until about 3pm, it's just not where I’d be if I was a wolf. There's too much activity. however, since I found scat and a few pairs of prints, I do believe they pass through there. I think it's their way of traversing from Renjo-lo pass to Cho-Yo base camp, which is part of their hunting ground.

I tracked up to the area where I suspected the wolves to be; it’s quite an altitude gain so it kind of took it out of me a bit. The bag gets heavier as I get higher and obviously it’s harder to breathe, eventually I got there. I left my bag in an open area with the infrared camera filming it in case anything came to sniff at it. Of course, I won’t know what’s on the night vision camera until I can get to my computer. I tracked much higher but it’s so much easier without the bag that it's actually a pleasure. I found some good prints although it's really hard to tell how old they were. I also found some scat that I presume is a couple of weeks old. I found a few Dens of which something was in one of them but not a wolf, probably a civet or possibly a jackal. I’ll stick the night vision camera on the entrance just out of curiosity.

Tonight, is really really cold, already at 5pm when the sun was still out my water was icing up. I’ve put tons of pepper in my pasta and soup just to stay warm for a bit. It helps for a while but then when it wears off I feel colder than before because suddenly I have the comparison, like most things in life, we would just accept things for what they are if we didn’t have anything to compare it to. My phone was so cold it died; I had to put it in the sleeping bag so it would fire up, but it took a while. Tomorrow I’m heading up Ringmo Lake, maybe I’ll find something there, tracks or something. If I don’t hear any howling either tonight, tomorrow morning or tomorrow night I think it’s safe to say they’re not here, then I guess I don’t have to starve myself. I’ll head back down to the lodge and then try Rengo-lo pass. It’s getting a little demoralizing. It’s possible the wolves have gone lower down because it’s so cold. I know they don’t hibernate so it’s not that they don’t come out of their den, they’re somewhere out there between the mountain and the moon, but I’m beginning to run out of somewhere.

I’m busy watching 'The Revenant' tonight without sound, while picking into a peanut butter jar. I love to dig out the nutty bits, it keeps me busy and nuts help me sleep, apparently. There is not much dialogue in 'The Revenant' so it’s easy to follow the story, it’s actually pretty interesting to watch a movie without sound, it puts me in the camera man’s position although I go green with envy on some of the toys they have. I remember once making the cast of 'The Parricidal Effect' watch ‘Super 8’ without sound. It was a lesson in expression, how without even saying something on camera, the expression should say it all, the dialogue is just to reinforce it. It was hard work keeping them focused on it; we had to take periodic breaks. It was a pleasant memory here in my tent in the middle of the freezing mountains. This is the first night I’ve had to sleep wearing every layer of clothing I have. I feel like a mummy.